While we’re on the topic of the new and improved me, one of my other goals was to learn four new things everyday. Something about myself. Something about the people I love. Something about the world. And something about a stranger. So although this can be quite the challenge for me at times, I shall try to stick to this on a fairly regular basis. So. Here we go:
Today, I learned that I am far too susceptible to spending money on shoes and shit I just don’t need. Similarly, if I go into a store with a specific item in mind, you can be 99% positive that I’ll walk out with anything but. My anti-capitalism friends would be so ashamed.
Today, I didn’t necessarily learn this but rather, was reminded, that one of my best friends from home is such a wonderful person. Specifically, one thing I re-learned today is how well she can articulate being upset with people. In a way that seems completely natural and healthy, not just bitchy. This, believe it or not, is a skill not everyone has. Myself included.
Today, I learned/noticed how often people just drop things. Like literally, just walk around their apartments dropping shit all over the place. Makes me wonder if it’s just coincidental carelessness or if not dropping things on a daily basis would merely defy some law of gravity. Which begs the question, could one go through an entire day without dropping a single thing?? Hmmmm.
Today, I met one of my neighbors. His name is Jared. He seemed far less than interested to meet me. He’s a gay man who owns some fluff ball excuse of a dog. He recently dropped something.
On a more serious note, I’ve been tangled up in existential thoughts lately. Uncomfortable and lonely thoughts about life, death, and all that’s in between. I have never been so conscious of growing older. Seeing lines gather around my eyes. Crevasses form around my lips from smiles and laughter left long behind. Furrows creeping their way between my brow line, waiting for the day they can mark themselves permanently in a state of seemingly constant anger. And it only gets worse from here! I guess the blanket of falsified invincibility that all youth seems to have, has begun to shed. The realization of my mortality and that of those around me has shoved its way into my life. Like the giant elephant in the room. Except, it’s made itself quite a happy home here and does not plan on leaving any time soon. Talk about depressing. Sheesh. Hence the reason, I suppose, I have begun to take more risks. Engage in life more. Build more relationships. Love stronger and more passionately than ever before. Give more kisses. Have more dreams. Smile more. Laugh harder. Grudge less, while understanding more. The things they preach to you as children and that you shrug off casually. Those are the things that everyone seems to inevitably give in to.
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